Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
