Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
