alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
