There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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