I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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