i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
