I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize