I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
