wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
