i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
