what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
