So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i will never coherently bang her
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
