Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
smell my finger.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
