Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
