I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
