2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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