U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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