found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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