Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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