I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
