I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize