So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
