Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
