No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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