we're blogging at a bar
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
