Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
