my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
