I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
