drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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