No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
