Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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