At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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