sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
