I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This is my gift to your gina
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
