Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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