so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
