Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
