she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
