It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
