Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
be right there i have to get my cape
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
