its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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