Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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