PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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