Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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