that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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