my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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