While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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