Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
