Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
