When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
