Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
