guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
