so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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