Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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