So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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