he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
