if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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