We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize