My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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