i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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