I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize