I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
