you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
