how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
