Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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