so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
