Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
