You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
