she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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