Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
