I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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