I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
