Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
