Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
