He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
