Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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