dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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