White coat. Heels.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
