Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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