I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
