Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
