remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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