she woke up with a sticky ear
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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