I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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