Kiss
Puke
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
