i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
