Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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