youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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