..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
