he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I need to wash the frat house off of me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
