I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
