dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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